If we lost hope. Or our ability to feel. Our soul and our minds. If we couldn't see, as the fog incompassed us, the darkness that fallowed us, the eyes that constanly watched us. No, the eyeless faces that constantly watched us. If we never recongnised them. Or couldn't tell the normal from the abnormal. How could we perceive the threat all around us, or the darkness that was in ourselves. How quick;ly we are to betray ourselves to them. Without a second thought, for safety for peace, everything we believe or feel. Gone because we are afraid. To quick are we to abadone all hope, reason or logic. To quick are we to betray our love , or goodness our hope. Because of fear of them. As they come. No, the faceless, they've always been here.
Oh god, they're all around me.
What the hell are they?
2011-05-21
2011-05-16
Pills
So that bitch of mine -the shrink- gave me a bunch of sleeping pills a few weeks ago and since then I've refused to use them.
I don't like the idea of using pills or anything to get to sleep. But I can't go on like this, my head is pounding, my eyes hurt so much and I can't concentrate on anything.
So I'm just generally asking anyone who is reading this. Should I take these pills?
I don't like the idea of using pills or anything to get to sleep. But I can't go on like this, my head is pounding, my eyes hurt so much and I can't concentrate on anything.
So I'm just generally asking anyone who is reading this. Should I take these pills?
2011-05-15
Sleep
I need it. So much. But I can't.
Everytime I close my eyes I get these images or nightmares of them. Looking at me through those sunglasses.
I see them reach for me, try to grab me and I run.
That's all I do now. Just run away, from sleep, from them, from these nightmare's.
Or are they memories?
I can't really tell any more.
Everytime I close my eyes I get these images or nightmares of them. Looking at me through those sunglasses.
I see them reach for me, try to grab me and I run.
That's all I do now. Just run away, from sleep, from them, from these nightmare's.
Or are they memories?
I can't really tell any more.
Infectious...
I remembered waking up with sweat completely covering me. I was breathing heavily, as I had tried to run away from... What was it? Some deep primal fear of all living? Or was it the slightest shadows of madness that was crawling at my mind, as the stress of school built up? I remembered laughing at this absurd notion - school doesn't give you nightmares that had you salvaging what remained of your sanity.
"Leave us alone!" Did I shout that? Or was it the thing in front of me?
I had looked at the alarm clock. I swore quietly. It was only 6:00, another 50 minutes before the it should have rang. It was far too early for this. I didn't need a scare before starting school (as if school was already daunting enough). I sank back into my pillow, as me breath began to slow down again. Closing my eyes, I tried to recall some of the horrors that had plagued me. Like any sane human, I tried to start at the beginning...
That smile again. And that glow.
My eyes snapped open again. It was that girl. I frowned - it was a strange coincidence that she would have been in my dreams. Dreams, for me, rarely repeat themselves again.
That swaying tree next to a stone building. Nearby was another building, only it was cleaner... more modern. Other people in a dull green uniform milled about, talking and constantly moving.
I snorted here. I was dreaming of school. Give me a break... I've already seen enough of it for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. And sometimes longer now that I'm in Year 12. So... that dream girl had came to the same school as me. What possible interpretations can I possibly gleam from that? It sure would be literally a dream come true... if it was true.
We were walking quietly along a familiar pathway. Faces that were seen everyday were content in their usual business. The girl and I were talking...
...about what? I stared at the darkened ceiling, hoping to glean something from it. What had made us both laugh so happily? So freely...
We rounded to corner to the PAC - the performing arts centre. It was a large building - formerly a gym as my wood teacher had told me once upon a time. Now, it was the hangout of the drama kids. I rolled my eyes at some of their antics as we passed by. Surely throwing random stuff at each other for the thousandth time should have gotten hold. And yet...
Nice dodge, I thought smirking, as a classmate called Raf managed to avoid a sandwich that was thrown from near point-blank range. This thought-by-thought process was taking longer than I anticipated. Everything was familiar. Nothing to suggest why I woke up with such a scare.
The path back to the canteen was once again the same. The same kids. The same chairs. Even the same sense of sheer boredom that was somehow ignored as I was pulled in by the mystery of the girl next to me. More talking. I looked casually to the right and saw the wood room glaring back.
Surely the wood room can't be the source of my nightmares. A madman running out with a chainsaw would be almost comical, if not outright normal (ok, I'm lying - I would be shitting myself, but my friends have already made up too much conspiracies about the wood room for anything to truly surprise me in Dream world). Ah Year 7, good times...
We were at the canteen now. And yet we kept moving. We turned right, passing the toilets and its eternal stench. We were moving back to the common room - where everybody else awaited. Something ancient stirred inside me... and indescribable fear began to strangle me.
The common room... what was so scary about it? Surely there can't be anything worse than the stains inside the microwave (I've seriously got to stop this joking). That's it... it had been too quiet. Especially given how ridiculously loud we Year 12's are.
My hand hesitated on the door handle.
"Is something wrong?" the girl asked. Not wanting to disappoint her, I shook my head and put on an assuring smile before opening the door to the realms of nightmare.
We both froze in terror as everything in the room turned to us as we walked in. Everybody was now nightmare incarnate. Bloodied eyes that were nothing more than gaping red holes in their face. Mouths that were unnaturally big, each threatening to consume anything and everything, eternally held in a terrible grin. Claws had replaced hands... claws that threatened to tear a person's soul out, souls that were soon ripe for consummation.
A person rose out of their chair. In their hands were a sharpened cleaver that still held the blood of its last victim.
"Join us..." the creature breathed.
The rate of my breathing increased again. I felt blood rushing to my legs, carrying vital supplies of oxygen that would allow me to get the fuck out of my mind.
"It's all fake," I repeated in a mantra to myself. "It's all fake."
I got up and turned on the light. Looking into the mirror, I saw a pale faced person staring back. In his eyes, the dream continued...
"Leave us alone!" I shouted. Everybody in the room mimicked me, creating an eerie chorus that grated on my ears. Grabbing the girl's arm, we turned around... only to see there was no door. Then an explosion of pain came.
I fell to the floor, paralyzed. A syringe dropped next to me. A paralyzer... got to give these creatures credit for that, if I wasn't absolutely hoping this would all go away. The creatures rolled me over, as the lead creature stoked its cleaver, its grin never wavering. It moved the sharp side of the blade closer... and closer... to my eyes. I struggled to no avail. Then... the blade descended.
Colours. Never thought I would appreciate them so much. The nightmare had ended. For now.
"Leave us alone!" Did I shout that? Or was it the thing in front of me?
I had looked at the alarm clock. I swore quietly. It was only 6:00, another 50 minutes before the it should have rang. It was far too early for this. I didn't need a scare before starting school (as if school was already daunting enough). I sank back into my pillow, as me breath began to slow down again. Closing my eyes, I tried to recall some of the horrors that had plagued me. Like any sane human, I tried to start at the beginning...
That smile again. And that glow.
My eyes snapped open again. It was that girl. I frowned - it was a strange coincidence that she would have been in my dreams. Dreams, for me, rarely repeat themselves again.
That swaying tree next to a stone building. Nearby was another building, only it was cleaner... more modern. Other people in a dull green uniform milled about, talking and constantly moving.
I snorted here. I was dreaming of school. Give me a break... I've already seen enough of it for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. And sometimes longer now that I'm in Year 12. So... that dream girl had came to the same school as me. What possible interpretations can I possibly gleam from that? It sure would be literally a dream come true... if it was true.
We were walking quietly along a familiar pathway. Faces that were seen everyday were content in their usual business. The girl and I were talking...
...about what? I stared at the darkened ceiling, hoping to glean something from it. What had made us both laugh so happily? So freely...
We rounded to corner to the PAC - the performing arts centre. It was a large building - formerly a gym as my wood teacher had told me once upon a time. Now, it was the hangout of the drama kids. I rolled my eyes at some of their antics as we passed by. Surely throwing random stuff at each other for the thousandth time should have gotten hold. And yet...
Nice dodge, I thought smirking, as a classmate called Raf managed to avoid a sandwich that was thrown from near point-blank range. This thought-by-thought process was taking longer than I anticipated. Everything was familiar. Nothing to suggest why I woke up with such a scare.
The path back to the canteen was once again the same. The same kids. The same chairs. Even the same sense of sheer boredom that was somehow ignored as I was pulled in by the mystery of the girl next to me. More talking. I looked casually to the right and saw the wood room glaring back.
Surely the wood room can't be the source of my nightmares. A madman running out with a chainsaw would be almost comical, if not outright normal (ok, I'm lying - I would be shitting myself, but my friends have already made up too much conspiracies about the wood room for anything to truly surprise me in Dream world). Ah Year 7, good times...
We were at the canteen now. And yet we kept moving. We turned right, passing the toilets and its eternal stench. We were moving back to the common room - where everybody else awaited. Something ancient stirred inside me... and indescribable fear began to strangle me.
The common room... what was so scary about it? Surely there can't be anything worse than the stains inside the microwave (I've seriously got to stop this joking). That's it... it had been too quiet. Especially given how ridiculously loud we Year 12's are.
My hand hesitated on the door handle.
"Is something wrong?" the girl asked. Not wanting to disappoint her, I shook my head and put on an assuring smile before opening the door to the realms of nightmare.
We both froze in terror as everything in the room turned to us as we walked in. Everybody was now nightmare incarnate. Bloodied eyes that were nothing more than gaping red holes in their face. Mouths that were unnaturally big, each threatening to consume anything and everything, eternally held in a terrible grin. Claws had replaced hands... claws that threatened to tear a person's soul out, souls that were soon ripe for consummation.
A person rose out of their chair. In their hands were a sharpened cleaver that still held the blood of its last victim.
"Join us..." the creature breathed.
The rate of my breathing increased again. I felt blood rushing to my legs, carrying vital supplies of oxygen that would allow me to get the fuck out of my mind.
"It's all fake," I repeated in a mantra to myself. "It's all fake."
I got up and turned on the light. Looking into the mirror, I saw a pale faced person staring back. In his eyes, the dream continued...
"Leave us alone!" I shouted. Everybody in the room mimicked me, creating an eerie chorus that grated on my ears. Grabbing the girl's arm, we turned around... only to see there was no door. Then an explosion of pain came.
I fell to the floor, paralyzed. A syringe dropped next to me. A paralyzer... got to give these creatures credit for that, if I wasn't absolutely hoping this would all go away. The creatures rolled me over, as the lead creature stoked its cleaver, its grin never wavering. It moved the sharp side of the blade closer... and closer... to my eyes. I struggled to no avail. Then... the blade descended.
Colours. Never thought I would appreciate them so much. The nightmare had ended. For now.
2011-05-11
Ok, so this is my first post I guess. Im a writer, by personal assosiation not any sort of official justification, and I'm currently working on my first book. Adam is a good friend and it seems that he, along with my other friends on here subtley (and somewhat accidentally) coaxed me into joining the blog.
In the future I think that I'll post some stuff that I've written and I hope I can get some feedback from anyone who reads us.
Cheers, Blake.
In the future I think that I'll post some stuff that I've written and I hope I can get some feedback from anyone who reads us.
Cheers, Blake.
Clearing thy 'teeming brain'
Written on my hand is
Thur after-school lit
Brian Ex Book
Math's Sac
I know what all of it means except for the bit about brian. I don't know any Brian's.. So as Adam said, school's been pretty average, though being at school with Adam has been getting further and further from what average usually is. These dreams are effecting him man, he says he's okay with not sleeping now because of the nightmares, i know that's the case, but it's not just that he's okay with not sleeping, he's afraid of it, of the nightmares.
Every day, i swear he comes to school looking slightly more tired than the day before, he fell asleep in History the other day, i know History isn't the greatest subject, but Adam's usually pretty alert, all the time.. He wants to do well in year 12, and if he doesn't stop sleeping, i don't know what's going to happen to his VCE..
I've been contemplating what to do after VCE and my mind seems to really want me for some reason to put all the effort i've put in to VCE to waste and pick up an apprenticeship as an electrician, i don't know what drew me to that, i guess it seems like the apprenticeship with the least amount of phisical strain to be put on my body, because i'm not exactly what you'd call a tank.
This whole electrician thing is pissing me off though because I feel like if i do that, then my enter score will go to complete waste, and i'm not even sure i really want to do it because if I did, i wouldn't be trying to get a good enter score (university entry score), i'd just be looking for an apprenticeship and trying to pass year 12, which of course I still want to do.
I just don't know what I want to do with my life, there are so many things and i'm yet to find anything that i'm 100% passionate about whatever happens, and i really want to find that, whatever it is.
I'm going to be keeping an eye on Adam, I think the others are too, his psychiatrist has given him some pills so he can sleep at night, but they don't seem to be having any effect on his alertness in class or just how tired he looks in general, what can I really do though? I'm not going to force him to take them if he's not and if he is and they aren't working, what else can we do?
I talked about this with Adam today,
he said it's okay if i post this, and that this is what the blog is supposed to be about,
how we're feeling, well i'm worried man, you gotta keep thinking about the future man...
Good Luck Adam,
Shaun.
Thur after-school lit
Brian Ex Book
Math's Sac
I know what all of it means except for the bit about brian. I don't know any Brian's.. So as Adam said, school's been pretty average, though being at school with Adam has been getting further and further from what average usually is. These dreams are effecting him man, he says he's okay with not sleeping now because of the nightmares, i know that's the case, but it's not just that he's okay with not sleeping, he's afraid of it, of the nightmares.
Every day, i swear he comes to school looking slightly more tired than the day before, he fell asleep in History the other day, i know History isn't the greatest subject, but Adam's usually pretty alert, all the time.. He wants to do well in year 12, and if he doesn't stop sleeping, i don't know what's going to happen to his VCE..
I've been contemplating what to do after VCE and my mind seems to really want me for some reason to put all the effort i've put in to VCE to waste and pick up an apprenticeship as an electrician, i don't know what drew me to that, i guess it seems like the apprenticeship with the least amount of phisical strain to be put on my body, because i'm not exactly what you'd call a tank.
This whole electrician thing is pissing me off though because I feel like if i do that, then my enter score will go to complete waste, and i'm not even sure i really want to do it because if I did, i wouldn't be trying to get a good enter score (university entry score), i'd just be looking for an apprenticeship and trying to pass year 12, which of course I still want to do.
I just don't know what I want to do with my life, there are so many things and i'm yet to find anything that i'm 100% passionate about whatever happens, and i really want to find that, whatever it is.
I'm going to be keeping an eye on Adam, I think the others are too, his psychiatrist has given him some pills so he can sleep at night, but they don't seem to be having any effect on his alertness in class or just how tired he looks in general, what can I really do though? I'm not going to force him to take them if he's not and if he is and they aren't working, what else can we do?
I talked about this with Adam today,
he said it's okay if i post this, and that this is what the blog is supposed to be about,
how we're feeling, well i'm worried man, you gotta keep thinking about the future man...
Good Luck Adam,
Shaun.
2011-05-10
Birthday
So. Today's my birthday. I turn 18 today. Be legal standard I'm an adult, I can make my own choice. Brilliant. I can now go out to clubs and pubs. Well, legally... Yeah. Anyway, reasons to stay out late and not sleep. I'm good with anything right now. Just not sleep.
So, sorry we haven't posted in a few day. As a group we've been quite busy. School SAC (which for those who don't know is "School Assed Coursework", another excuse to put pressure on as already suicidally depressed students) I have mine tomorrow. So that should be fun. I'm going to try chewing scenery, with the hangover I get from tonight.
So far my 18th year has been pretty sweet, you know, other than the general terrifying nightmares, it's been cool. I've spent a lot of time catching up with my past. I've gotten to re-know a lot of my old childhood friends. Which is totally awesome. I also went back to my old pizza store (they still make amazing pizzza), rewatched alot of childhood films (I haven't seen The Lion King in 8 years, I'm pretty sure that's a federal crime), went to the park where my know deceased-grandmother and I used to go. My 18th year really has been just me reliving bits of my past. Which, too is totally awesome as well.
So yeah. Short of nightmares, 18 has been an awesome year.
So, sorry we haven't posted in a few day. As a group we've been quite busy. School SAC (which for those who don't know is "School Assed Coursework", another excuse to put pressure on as already suicidally depressed students) I have mine tomorrow. So that should be fun. I'm going to try chewing scenery, with the hangover I get from tonight.
So far my 18th year has been pretty sweet, you know, other than the general terrifying nightmares, it's been cool. I've spent a lot of time catching up with my past. I've gotten to re-know a lot of my old childhood friends. Which is totally awesome. I also went back to my old pizza store (they still make amazing pizzza), rewatched alot of childhood films (I haven't seen The Lion King in 8 years, I'm pretty sure that's a federal crime), went to the park where my know deceased-grandmother and I used to go. My 18th year really has been just me reliving bits of my past. Which, too is totally awesome as well.
So yeah. Short of nightmares, 18 has been an awesome year.
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